Don't tell your employees you'll decide about their vacation when you get back from vacation

Ok, so scouring the travel sights for the cheapest airfare on your IPhone has become part of your morning long "bathroom moments." If bathroom travel scouring isn't humiliating enough,  your (fill-in the blank-spouse, lover, partner, stranger you woke up with, mother) expresses concern that you'll get hemorrhoids from sitting on the toilet for so long. And, if the threat of hemorrhoids aren't sad enough- the fact that your butt-busting efforts to find an affordable airfare to get you to....where? An all-inclusive resort in Mexico where you can float up to the bar for a sunny cocktail? Your distant aunt's chalet in the French Alps? A zip line adventure in Costa Rica? 

No. 

You're trying to go see your parents in Chicago. Chicago in the summer, no less. Sure, there are all those great street festivals. But since you grew up in the city, the thought of partying in the streets with the drunk bro's home from the frats for the summer only brings up nasal memories of vomit. 

You love your parents, you talk with them constantly. They got an iPad so they can bother you incessantly with FaceTime. However, would going home be your first choice for a vacation? Probably not. But it's cheap. While you're old room is now used for eBay storage, your old bed is still in good shape after 20 years. And, even though you can't float up to your mom's breakfast bar in the morning, she does fry up Mickey Mouse shaped  pancakes with chocolate chip eyes made to order.

So, there it is. You figure you have about a week to buy that seat on the plane. You've timed it well. A big meeting that your boss has planned (ok, well, actually you planned it, he just plans on coming) will be over the day before you leave. You get two weeks of vacation a year (only one that is paid, the other is like a week you can take off without being sick or AWOL). 

With sore butt and solid plans you check the company calendar on the bus on the way in to see when your boss is available today for you to make the big ask. Nothing is on his calendar. Strange. Since his secretary makes all of his personal appointments as well, it's unusual to see a day without meetings, therapy, coaching, toastmaster classes, yoga or personal training appointments. Maybe there's a glitch in the calendar syncing. 

Entering the office, it's upbeat, people are smiling, drinking coffee, talking to one another. Oh no. This can only mean one thing. Your boss has taken one of his spontaneous vacations (which he is prone to do as he likes to keep people "on their toes"). Your fear is validated when his assistant tells you "it's a good one this time-he drove up to Sonoma, which is a two day drive, so even if he drives up there, stays for a glass of wine and turns around to come home, it's a five day reprieve."

What to do? You've emailed him while he's on vacation before. His therapist, coach and yoga teacher counsel him to "tune out the stress of work and be present in your vacation space."  Fortunately, he's a control freak, so this is just about impossible for him. You turn your computer on, and send your request out to his work and personal email. 

Day one. No response.

Day two. You try his cell phone. It goes to voice mail. You send another email.

Day three. Around 1pm, his name pops up in your inbox.

Subject: RE Vacation Request.

Body of email: Hi There! The coast is beautiful! I forgot how beautiful the ocean is! We've been meandering our way to wine country-you know what my therapist says-it's the journey, not the destination! ;)

Hey, I know you want to take that long weekend off in 6 weeks, but I think you might need to be around the day after our meeting to wrap up any loose ends. I'll get back to you when I get back from vacation.    Hugs!

By the time he gets back, the airfare has nearly doubled. He's back two days when he decides to approve your time off. It's no longer in the budget. You try to cobble frequent flyer mile donations from your Mom and Grampa, but there aren't any summer flights left on a Friday.

You start planning for the winter holidays. 

You'll ask Santa for a new job this year.