If you like the sound of your own voice-sing! But please don't join a non-profit board.

Ah, non-profit boards of directors. Have you sat on one? Worked for one? Thinking about sitting on one? I've sat on a number of national boards in my time, and I worked for them for nearly thirty years. Those experiences will undoubtedly be the subjects of posts yet to come, but for now I'll ease you into the world of boredom as I see it.

Why are there boards of directors, what do they do and how do you get on one?

Before embarking on this journey through drudgery, I want to make a significant distinction.

Many non-profits are dependent on volunteers to do much of the work of the organization. These people often put their hearts, time and money into their missions. Most of them could care less about being on a board, but out of legal necessity, they agree to serve so the organization can formally accept donations or grants. These people are quite often angels sent to humiliate the rest of us on earth. These types of boards, working boards, are given a very long hall pass out of this conversation.

So, aside from the aforementioned angels, why are there boards of directors?

For non profits, there are significant legal reasons they exist, largely having to do with guarding the public trust (e.g., public donations). At a minimum, boards are there to guard the dough, make sure no one's hand is in the till, ensure that audits occur and hire and fire the Executive Director. So, think about that job. Why in God's name would anyone want to volunteer their precious time in such a profoundly uninteresting way? Are you thinking about it? Consider this....

If you're thinking about sitting on a board because you want to be affiliated with a cause you care about, instead, get your nerve up and just volunteer directly. It'll be more fun, meaningful and truly helpful. None of those experiences are gained on a board. Don't sit on the local animal cruelty organization's board, ask to walk the shelter dogs.

If you're thinking about joining a board because you have some skill you can offer, unless your skill is printing money, your skills are probably not needed. That's what the staff are for. If you actually do have a specific skill that the organization would otherwise have to pay for, give it to them gladly and consider it a humble donation. Don't make them bring you on their board to benefit from this gift.

If you're thinking about joining a board because you and/or your chums have money, only consider joining if you plan on giving the organization significant amounts of it. If you think you'll be helpful to the organization because of your savvy business acumen, think again. Here's why--

1. No matter what your recruiter told you, they want your money.

2. Having money does not equal smart. Talk to a single parent on minimum wage and ask her how she provides shelter, food and clothes for her family. There's business acumen.

3. You may believe that you have all that money because you are the master of your destiny. Thus, as a result of all your right decisions you ended up with some well earned cash. Logically then, you must also believe that the subjects of your charity are also the masters of their destiny and thereby ended up getting raped, abused, homeless, poor, or illiterate because they didn't get it right. That belief, while a nice fairytale if it has a happy ending, is a Brothers Grimm story for others. Best to swim in your own happy pond of illusion than impose it on organizations that are truly trying to help those that destiny left behind.

Now you're probably wondering if there are any good reasons to join a board. Yes, there are.

You have money and want to make regular, sizable and mostly unrestricted donations because of your faith in the mission and the manner in which it gets carried out.

You are well connected and excited about using those connections to help the organization further it's goals.

Your best friend works for a non-profit organization (for minor friends-think hard!)and needs you to serve for a short period of time so they can meet their legal requirements.

So if you're still thinking about it after all this, before submitting your application, ask the organization what they truly and honestly need. If you truly and honestly can give it or get it for them-you will indeed be a blessing.

If not, take up singing.

For a great article on dingus board members, Check out The Exasperated CEO's Guide to Troubleshooting Bad Board Behavior

Don't tell your employees you'll decide about their vacation when you get back from vacation

Ok, so scouring the travel sights for the cheapest airfare on your IPhone has become part of your morning long "bathroom moments." If bathroom travel scouring isn't humiliating enough,  your (fill-in the blank-spouse, lover, partner, stranger you woke up with, mother) expresses concern that you'll get hemorrhoids from sitting on the toilet for so long. And, if the threat of hemorrhoids aren't sad enough- the fact that your butt-busting efforts to find an affordable airfare to get you to....where? An all-inclusive resort in Mexico where you can float up to the bar for a sunny cocktail? Your distant aunt's chalet in the French Alps? A zip line adventure in Costa Rica? 

No. 

You're trying to go see your parents in Chicago. Chicago in the summer, no less. Sure, there are all those great street festivals. But since you grew up in the city, the thought of partying in the streets with the drunk bro's home from the frats for the summer only brings up nasal memories of vomit. 

You love your parents, you talk with them constantly. They got an iPad so they can bother you incessantly with FaceTime. However, would going home be your first choice for a vacation? Probably not. But it's cheap. While you're old room is now used for eBay storage, your old bed is still in good shape after 20 years. And, even though you can't float up to your mom's breakfast bar in the morning, she does fry up Mickey Mouse shaped  pancakes with chocolate chip eyes made to order.

So, there it is. You figure you have about a week to buy that seat on the plane. You've timed it well. A big meeting that your boss has planned (ok, well, actually you planned it, he just plans on coming) will be over the day before you leave. You get two weeks of vacation a year (only one that is paid, the other is like a week you can take off without being sick or AWOL). 

With sore butt and solid plans you check the company calendar on the bus on the way in to see when your boss is available today for you to make the big ask. Nothing is on his calendar. Strange. Since his secretary makes all of his personal appointments as well, it's unusual to see a day without meetings, therapy, coaching, toastmaster classes, yoga or personal training appointments. Maybe there's a glitch in the calendar syncing. 

Entering the office, it's upbeat, people are smiling, drinking coffee, talking to one another. Oh no. This can only mean one thing. Your boss has taken one of his spontaneous vacations (which he is prone to do as he likes to keep people "on their toes"). Your fear is validated when his assistant tells you "it's a good one this time-he drove up to Sonoma, which is a two day drive, so even if he drives up there, stays for a glass of wine and turns around to come home, it's a five day reprieve."

What to do? You've emailed him while he's on vacation before. His therapist, coach and yoga teacher counsel him to "tune out the stress of work and be present in your vacation space."  Fortunately, he's a control freak, so this is just about impossible for him. You turn your computer on, and send your request out to his work and personal email. 

Day one. No response.

Day two. You try his cell phone. It goes to voice mail. You send another email.

Day three. Around 1pm, his name pops up in your inbox.

Subject: RE Vacation Request.

Body of email: Hi There! The coast is beautiful! I forgot how beautiful the ocean is! We've been meandering our way to wine country-you know what my therapist says-it's the journey, not the destination! ;)

Hey, I know you want to take that long weekend off in 6 weeks, but I think you might need to be around the day after our meeting to wrap up any loose ends. I'll get back to you when I get back from vacation.    Hugs!

By the time he gets back, the airfare has nearly doubled. He's back two days when he decides to approve your time off. It's no longer in the budget. You try to cobble frequent flyer mile donations from your Mom and Grampa, but there aren't any summer flights left on a Friday.

You start planning for the winter holidays. 

You'll ask Santa for a new job this year.